Dangerous Secret
by Dustfingers-Angel
Summary: (My OC) Jayda is Spock's sister, she works for Star Fleet and she's keeping a massive secret. Disclaimer: i don't own Star Trek
1. The First Night

I had been in late at the Academy, putting in a few reports that I probably should have written weeks ago. Three months previous I would have had it done early, but that was then and this was now, things had changed – huge things that changed so dramatically but I loved it. The feelings that I had for Khan had swelled and flourished and grown since I convinced him to move in, at the time the emotions I had for him were still just sparks before the roaring inferno, I barely understood what they were, what they meant. Every time I looked at him now I felt the butterflies in my stomach take flight once again, my heart would skip a beat and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I had never known feelings like this before.

I walked home quickly, eager to see Khan again. He was so unlike anyone I had ever met before; so set on his revenge that I fear that if I didn't know him I would be afraid of his determination – but I did know him, I knew how caring and gentle he can be, so quiet and collected. I found myself constantly amazed by the two opposite parts of his personality; never once had he ever directed the frightening side at me. Every now and again I would see him lost in thought and the man I knew to be kind and thoughtful would seem fierce and cold, but never would he direct the anger in his heart towards me.

He looked at me with kindness, warmth and concern. Every day when I came in he would ask 'how was your day', smile and listen and we would talk and laugh and we accept each other for what we are. We were not like the rest of the universe, I had Spock and Khan had his crew but neither of us could turn to them. We only could rely on one another, and that was perfect for me.

I unlocked my door, went inside, locked the door again and took off my coat, hanging it on the edge of the radiator before crouching down to untie the laces of my boots. Khan appeared quietly at the living room door, he held two glasses of wine in his hands – it was a bad little habit we had been getting into recently. I placed my boots together in the hall and smiled up at Khan, "Hi," I said accepting the wine he offered me and taking a sip.

I went to pick up my coat to put it away, but Khan stopped me, "I'll get it, Jayda" He took my coat in his free hand then went into my room to put it away, as he went he asked "How was your day?" the same question every night but with genuine interest.

"Good, the lecture went well and I finally got those reports done."

"You don't have anything you need to do tonight then?"

"No, everything I needed to do I got done at the Academy"

"Good, good," Khan walked out of my room drinking some of our wine. We went to the living room and I curled up in the corner of the sofa, sipping wine, Khan sat beside me, twisted to face me.

"Not long after I awoke in this century, I did not know how to feel about my situation. I was hurt and overjoyed at the same time; on one hand I have been subjected to the worst humanity has to offer, then I met the best that universe had for me instead – I met you, and you are perfect. There is something I feel I need to tell you Jay" he was the only person to call me by that nickname.

"What is it?" I couldn't think of anything that Khan could have to tell me that he couldn't say outright. Khan looked me in the eye and took my hand, in my confusion I whispered, "Khan?"

"I love you"

My heart skipped a beat, I opened my mouth to say _something_, to tell him that I love him too but nothing would come out of my mouth. Khan raised his hand to my face, gently holding my cheek and brushing his thumb across my skin. He lent in slowly and I pressed my forehead to his, he gazed into my eyes as he slid closer. I closed my eyes as Khan softly pressed his lips to mine and it seemed as if there was nothing else in the world, then he pulled away.

"No" I breathed quickly, my eyes snapping open and I sat forward to try to compensate for the closeness I had lost, "I…"

"I thought…" Khan whispered – his eyes sad.

"_No_," I took his hand "It's just, I never thought _you_… would _feel_… _anything_ for me"

He smiled, kindly and happily as relief set in to his expression, "I don't understand why you would think that. You saved me, rescued me, you picked me up and have always stayed by my side. And I could have disappeared but something about you made me stay, but I didn't understand until now – I stayed with you because I love you"

I stared, long and desperate, into his eyes hoping – no, _begging_, that the right words would come. I ran my hand up his arm; he was so strong, so gentle and still stronger than any man I had ever met before. And mine.

I kissed him, pressed my lips to his and he pressed back. There was no hesitation now, he understood. Khan wrapped his arms around me and I looped mine around his neck, we held each other close just like I had wanted for so long. Time seemed to stop existing as I became more and more absorbed in Khan's touch.

We broke apart, hands still holding on to hands, eyes still locked on eyes. I knew it was okay, I could say it now. I moved in, so we were less than an inch apart, I knelt up, stretching up to whisper in his ear, Khan bent his head and I whispered so that he could just hear me and no more, "I love you Khan"


	2. You're So Cute

I returned home exhausted after a full day of stand-in lecturing on the basics of the Federation involvement with the Klingons and the events that led up to the initial war – I found it uninteresting, but I knew the topic well.

I entered my apartment and proceeded to untie my boots; when I was done I placed them together and stood up to stretch. As I did I saw Khan coming to greet me in his usual manner, a look of joy across his handsome face.

"Jayda, you are early- _gah_!" Suddenly, his toe caught on the edge of the rug, tripping him up. He stumbled forward a few paces with arms flailing and a look of shock and sudden panic spread across his features. Just as I thought he had regained his balance, Khan tried to take another step, wobbled, then face-planted the floor with a loud 'thump'.

I covered my mouth with my hands in a pitiful attempt to hide my laughter. Khan groaned then propped himself up on his elbows, looking up at me with mild irritation mingled with embarrassment. He pouted as he knelt up.

"_That_ hurt" Khan muttered quietly, causing another bout of giggles from my throat.

"Oh Love" I laughed as I knelt down in front of Khan, pushing aside a few stray strands of hair.

He smiled slightly, but winced as he rubbed his nose, which had started to turn fairly red. A huge grin spread across my face and I lent forward to gently kiss the tip of Khan's sore nose, still giggling a little.

"Why are you _still_ laughing?" he asked as we got to our feet.

"Because you're cute"

He frowned, though still smiling, "I don't understand" his head tilted to the side and a few more strands of hair fell loose.

I smiled, wrapping my arms around Khan's waist, "The most dangerous man in the galaxy is defeated by the rug in my hall"

"I wouldn't say 'defeated'" he hugged me close.

"No" I laughed "but I would"


	3. Panic Station

I sat on my couch curled in to Khan's side, his arm around my shoulder as I read my book. I'd only been home for about half an hour and had gotten settled when the door bell rang.

I all but dropped my book, shoving it down on the table as I sprung to my feet. Khan sprinted through to my bedroom, taking position behind the door so that if he needed to be, he was only a metre at most from the door. I took a deep breath to calm myself before answering. I opened the door, putting on a relaxed demeanour. On the other side of the door, still in uniform holding a file in his hand was my brother.

"Spock, what are you doing here?" I asked with a smile. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"Hello Jayda, you left this in your office – I was in the building and Professor Andrews asked me to deliver it to you. It's for a presentation tomorrow." Spock handed me the file.

"Thank you, I must have forgotten it somehow. That's very helpful." I took the file and beamed up at my older brother.

Spock frowned, "Are you alright, Jayda?"

"I'm fine, why do you ask?" I struggled to keep my breathing even, I couldn't panic, not now – it could be the downfall of our entire set up.

"You seem… _off_, as if something is worrying you."

"It's nothing, Spock – I've been taking on a lot at work recently, and I'm not exactly as level headed as you" I joked.

Spock nodded, the corners of his lips turned up in an almost smile, "Of course. Do not push yourself to hard, sister, you are incredibly intelligent but you have limits just as the rest of us do" now he smiled properly.

"I know" I reached up and hugged my brother, "Thank you, Spock"

"There is no need to thank me" he wrapped his arms around me protectively, "Just take care of yourself." He stood back, "I would come in but I am needed at a meeting soon and I will be late if I do not leave shortly. Goodnight Jayda"

"Goodnight Spock, I'll see you tomorrow at lunch"

"Yes, of course" he nodded and folded his hands behind his back, "goodnight"

I smiled, "goodnight." Spock turned away and I gently closed the door. I sighed, leant back against the wall and sunk to the ground, my heart still racing. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes. Rarely had we came that close to being discovered. I tossed the file down beside me and mentally chided myself for being careless.

Khan emerged from my room as I opened my eyes. "Who was that?"

"My brother, Spock – he was delivering that" I gestured at the file.

"And he didn't suspect…?"

"No. Nothing."

"Good." Khan offered me a hand; I picked up the file from the floor and accepted it, letting him help me to my feet. He wrapped his arms around me in a careful hug that I was quick to return. "Relax, Darling, we are still safe" he kissed my forehead as he smoothed my hair. I cuddled in to him, breathing in his scent, letting me calm back down after our close call. "Come on," Khan took my hand and led me back to the living room to sit down.

Leaving the file on the table, Khan sat first and pulled me onto his lap. Holding me tenderly and pressing kisses to my temple, he whispered, "You did well, my Love, we're safe"

My heart still pounded harshly from lying to my brother, "I hate lying to him, I hate it, I hate it so much" I muttered and shook my head.

"Hush, Darling, you did well – it was necessary, you know that. You said it yourself, it would be difficult for him to understand"

"I know… believe me, I know."


	4. Morning Sickness Stress

Possibly slightly AU - it takes the Enterprise from one afternoon to the following morning to reach the Klingon border

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"Where is Jayda?"

Everyone on the bridge paused, looking around. She was late, which was highly unusual for her – _what was wrong?_ Spock frowned, "Captain, if you do not mind I will check on her now"

"Go head Spock"

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I crouched down over the toilet, holding my hair back though I had stopped throwing up now. _It hadn't been as bad the day we set out, had it? Or maybe with the, uh, situation at Star Fleet, I hadn't realised how badly sick I really was. Or perhaps the stress of it was making me worse; everything had gone wrong - if they hadn't moved Khan's crew none of this would have happened... I need to find a way to tell him they're still alive, but how?_ I slowly got to my feet and flushed the toilet. Shaking still, I stumbled back through to my bed. I needed to get dressed and get to the bridge but-

There was knocking at my door, short, sharp, precise – it was Spock. I messed up my un-slept-in bed and shut the bathroom door, messing up my hair a little before answering the door. I hoped that I would be able to fool my brother for now.

I smiled, feigning drowsiness "Spock"

"Jayda, are you alright? You should have been on the bridge half an hour ago."

"What? What time… oh, never mind – I'm sorry Spock; I must have slept in. I'll be ready soon – make apologises for me please"

"Of course" he looked concerned, "Jayda, are you alright?"

"Yes, just tired – that's all" I said dismissively.

Spock put his hand on my shoulder, "If something was wrong, you would tell me, wouldn't you?"

"Oh, Spock, of course I would, it's probably just a cold or something, don't worry" I pulled my brother into a warm hug that he returned immediately, leaving a pang of guilt in my chest, "I'm fine" I stepped back "I'll be ready as soon as possible, okay?"

Spock nodded, "Perhaps you should visit the medical bay, just to make sure. I'll see you soon."

"Right Spock, okay"

He nodded and left. I shut the door with a sigh. After taking a moment or so to breathe, I quickly got changed and headed straight to the medical bay - i had planned on doing so anyway. On arrival I asked for Dr McCoy, it only took a moment for him to respond when he heard it was me that had requested him.

"Jayda, you okay?"

I glanced around, "Do you mind if we do this privately Doctor"

"Course not, this way" he led me to a private room, where he indicated for me to sit down.

"What's up kid?"

"Do you have anything for morning sickness?"

He paused, "Not specifically but I'll see what I can do" he turned to leave.

"Leonard" I called.

He stopped "Yeah?"

"Keep this quiet please"

"Sure kid"

When he returned he had a few different pills and two types of injections. He explained what each of them were before allowing me to choose what I thought would be most helpful. I took some pills for my headache and some other ones to control the fever and took a mental note of the others, just in case i got any worse.

"Come see me last thing at night and I'll give you what you need, okay?"

I nodded, "Thank you Leonard." I got to my feet.

He walked over to me and smiled, "You still sure about keeping this a secret?"

I nodded.

Leonard put a hand on my arm, "You miss _him_, don't you? Whoever he is"

"Yes"

He sighed, "I'm always here if you need to talk Jayda, always"

I looked away and nodded, tears filling my eyes, "I'm sorry" I muttered as I tried to wipe my eyes.

Leonard shook his head, "Come here", gently he hugged me. My breath came out in ragged gasps and before I realised I was trembling again. "Hey, hey, I've got you kid, take it easy" He sat me down on the bed and sat next to me, one arm around my shoulder and holding my hand.

Eventually I composed myself again, "I'm sorry, I don't… I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay, it's to be expected"

"Thank you, for understanding" I didn't mean medically, he knew that – I meant as a friend.

"It's fine – now get to work; they'll be looking for you"

"Thank you" I gave the doctor another quick hug before leaving to return to the bridge and setting myself up for another hard day.


	5. Fight By Each Other's Side

Uhura had gone outside to speak with the Klingons. I could see the concern spread across Spock's face; not many people could read my brother's emotions the way I could. I understood what the slightest change in his expression meant – after so many years, I had figured it out.

Before I knew what was going on, I was outside with Spock and Kirk, fighting of Klingons that just seemed to keep coming at us. I ran to a safer spot, firing with my back against a wall; in a second of safety I scanned the surrounding landscape, one feature in particular stood out. Standing high above us, looking down at us stood a man, tall, hooded and cloaked, standing there firing upon Klingons with two guns. Immediately I knew who the lone gunman was, and that I had to get to him – now.

Just at the second, Kirk's gun was knocked from his hand and he began fist-fighting with the Klingon in front if him. Taking my chance i shoot KIrk's attacker over his shoulder, sending the Klingon to the ground. "Captain!" i yelled, he turned and i threw him my gun before running off in the direction of the gunman. Sprinting across the rocky terrain, I unlatched my smaller second gun, firing as I ran. We made eye-contact and he dived down off the discarded metal container, disappearing from view. I ran along between two metal ridges to my right, following the large grooves in the direction I had seen him, taking down Klingons as I went.

I turned another corner, leading with my gun. There he stood, one gun had been discarded and his hood and scarf had fallen away from his head, revealing to me the handsome face I had grown to love. "Khan" I breathed, running into his arms.

He quickly embraced me, and then held me at arms length taking me in, "Jayda, are you hurt?" he asked in the deep voice I knew so well. I shook my head once, then Khan asked "How is our child?" he smiled despite the situation, his hand resting on my slightly swollen belly.

"Perfect, my love, absolutely perfect"

A Klingon appeared round the corner and before I had even raised my arm to fire, Khan had blown its head off. He was amazing, his abilities were simply astonishing – he was perfect, more than human, better than human, much better than I could ever be.

"They don't know about us, do they?" he asked quickly as he took my hand and ran to the corner, looking round to see if he could spot the rest of my crew.

"No," I answered softly, "No-one knows but us"

"Good, let's keep it that way for now. Do you think you could act a little for me Darling?" He smiled sweetly, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Of course, what do you need?"

"A hostage – give me a minute or so to put an end to this minor inconvenience and don't let them see you." He pressed his lips to my forehead before leaving to quickly obliterating the remaining Klingons. I squatted just round a corner, blaster ready – but no-one came and there was no sight of my crew. Slowly, I breathed in and out, listening to the fighting all around me.

I closed my eyes, purely focusing on sound; I could here my crew, my friends, my own big brother, calling out to me, shouting for me to tell them I was alright – I never moved, nor uttered a sound. I could here them fighting, the sounds of their weapons, the sounds their breathing becoming harsh, I could hear the Klingons dying around me, killed by Khan – I never moved, nor uttered a sound. I opened my eyes, scanning around me, no-one there, no-one looking, no-one hearing – I never moved, nor uttered a sound.

Suddenly Khan jumped down behind me, landing crouched in front of me. He stood, offering me his hand; I accepted it and he pulled me to my feet with ease. "Now?" I asked.

"Yes, now. I won't hurt you – I promise you that; I could never harm you."

I stood on my toes so I could kiss him, once, pressed my lips to his and whispered, "I trust you, I always have."

Carefully he put an arm round my neck, twisting his arm slightly so it _seemed_ he was choking me. I held onto that strong arm, _appearing_ to attempt to pull it away. Khan pulled out a gun. "Walk forward when I say, as soon as we move out you must not know me, you cannot called me Khan, remember they think I am John Harrison"

"Yes, I know. I'll remember… I love you"

"I love you too. We can do this"

"I know… Harrison – lets go"

Khan shoved me into view of my crew, Spock and Kirk raised their weapons and I knew it had begun.


	6. Truth

"Spock, what the Hell?!" I snapped through the com. "Why did you send them without me?!" Jim and Khan were currently shooting towards Admiral Markus's ship without me, against our plans.

"The Captain and I-"

"Spock, I swear, let me out to catch up with them _now_"

"Sending you as well will greatly increase the chances of Admiral Markus noticing-"

"I. Do. Not. Care." I snarled "The plan was that we went together, _all_ _three_ of us. You can't just to decide to exclude me. Or would you really rather have the two of them alone together? Do you honestly think that the Capt-"

"The Captain is fully capable of handling the situation."

"Spock, I know he can handle this but I'd prefer-"

Suddenly our argument was cut off by Nyota, "We've lost Khan!" I froze, my heart skipped a beat and panic began to rise.

"Spock" I said firmly, hiding my panic too well "Please"

There was silence. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes" I crouched, eyes fixed on the spot that would soon open and send me out after Khan and Kirk.

"Good luck, Sister"

"Thank you, Brother" then I was flying through space, my arms pressed in at my sides as I scanned the area in front of me.

"Uhura? Can you direct me to Khan's last known location?"

"Doing so now" The path showed up on my visor screen; I began to follow, avoiding debris all around me.

"Jayda?" Spock questioned, unsure of the reasoning behind my actions.

"Khan will be best useful to us if we can retrieve him – I'd like to at least look" There was a quiet hum of agreement from Spock.

I spotted him.

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"Oh" I heard through the com.

Khan glanced at me, a questioning look in his eyes – he knew it hadn't been me, and I knew it hadn't been him. "Captain?" I asked, a hint of concern coming through in my voice, "What happened?"

"Visor's cracked – display's down. I'm flying blind." _Dammit._

"Captain" Spock's voice said into our ears, "it is statistically impossible for you to make it through the entrance – you will not make it"

"I have Khan – our displays are still working, follow us" I looked to Khan and he nodded to me and we shot out ahead to lead Kirk in safely.

We approached Markus's ship, closer and closer. "Scotty? Scott, we need a warm welcome. Scotty? Scotty, can you hear me?" Kirk's voice betrayed the panic that was spreading through us. I shut my eyes, breathing deeply as I anticipated the worst.

Then abruptly we hit the floor, tumbling violently along the length of the vast hall, knocking heads and limbs against the floor. I clutched my across my stomach, trying to protect myself and the baby as much as possible. I came to a halt, curling in on myself, breathing harshly, pained.

I was hyperventilating, my heart racing, my eyes squeezed shut to somehow counter my pain. I couldn't move, so paralysed I had been by fear. Suddenly my helmet was being removed and gentle fingers brushed my hair back from my face and cupped my cheek, "Jayda?" the deep baritone said close to me. My eyes flickered open hesitantly to see Khan kneeling over me, his fingers trailing across my cheek.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?!" barked Kirk from behind us.

Khan snarled violently, whipping his head round in Kirk's direction with an overwhelming protectiveness in his eyes "I suggest keeping your silence for the moment, _Captain_"

"Khan" I breathed, reaching up to his arm "Enough… don't fight with him now, please"

His eyes darted back to me, softening "Are you injured?"

"No, it's just…"

He cradled me up in his arms as he muttered, "Hush, I have you" He rested me against his chest, intertwining his fingers and mine. He looked at my hand resting across the small bump on my stomach, "Is it the baby?"

"Baby?!" came the shriek from Kirk, echoed more gently in confusion by Scotty.

Ignoring them, I answered, "I was afraid I'd done something when I landed. I don't think…" I shook my head "I'm not sure"

"Hush Darling, relax" he gently moved my hands aside to press his hand to my belly, mentally making medical notes before smiling, "Everything appears to be fine." I let out a relieved sigh, mentally thanking everything. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling myself closer as I buried my head in his chest. Khan bowed his head to my shoulder, smiling as he gently rocked me back and forth. I could hear Jim arguing quietly with Scotty, I sighed and clung tighter to Khan.

Eventually I looked up into his eyes again, he told me gently, "We need to get moving. Now," he knelt up, taking my hands "just take it slowly." Gradually, Khan helped me to my feet, taking our time for safety's sake. "There we go" he said softly; holding me close to him with my hands on his waist, he pressed a firm kiss to my lips.

When we broke apart I saw Jim out of the corner of my eye, fury boiling through him and Scotty's hand on his arm as a gentle incentive not to beat the crap out of us both.

Khan moved to stand behind me with his hands on my shoulders, taking a protective stance having sensed the imminent threat from Jim. I cleared my throat, "Captain, could we perhaps talk about this later, once we are out of this-"

"Later?! How _long_ has this been going on Jayda? And a _baby_? How many _months_ have you been _harbouring_ a _fugitive_?!" he yelled.

"Jim-" Scotty tried to calm him.

"Not now Scotty! Doesn Spock know?!"

I urged, "Jim, now is not the time – if Markus's crew hear you-"

"Hear me? Well guess what, I don't care!"

"Jim" I stressed through clenched teeth, "Later"

Before Kirk could snap back another furious retort, Khan stated firmly, "We need to move on. This way." Taking my hand, he led me past Scotty and Jim. Reaching for our guns we continued down the passage, followed by the other two men. Trailing just behind Khan with my heart in my throat, I dreaded the next conversation I would have with Jim Kirk and the repercussions that would inevitably follow.


	7. Numb

I sat in my flat. Alone. I was numb.

Spock hadn't wanted to leave me by myself but his presence was overwhelming me. I had told him that I was pregnant, I had told him the father was dead. Yes, I lied to my brother, again – it worried me how easy that was becoming.

I stared at the left end of the sofa where _he_ should have been sitting, where he should have been gazing at me from over a glass of wine; I hadn't drank since - there was very little I had done since. Spock thought it was shock and I was willing to pretend he was right. But the truth was _I was trapped_ – yes, Khan was not dead (thanks be to whatever higher power may exist), but he was out of my reach and he himself was helpless. Khan had been returned to cryo-freeze and had been sealed away. Already a plan was forming in my mind...

I sighed. The last words Khan had said to me wrung in my head, 'remember I will always love you, Jayda'. I doubted I would be able to love anyone else ever again. I hadn't even cried yet. 'I will always love you' - the last words he had spoken before beaming me to an escape pod in the Enterprise. The pod had activated and I had no choice but to watch as the chaos unfolded. I had be told afterward what had actually happened - the trick, the explosion and Jim. He was in hospital now - at least he was alive. If only they had just stayed away, told Markus 'no'; none of this would have happened.

And then there was the baby, our child, who was going to grow up without their father. Would I ever be able to tell them the truth? Or would they believe the same as Spock, that their father had died before they were even born?

A knock on the door jolted me back to reality. The knock came again and I quickly answered the door to Spock.

"Jayda, get your coat – Jim has woken up"

"That's great," I smiled. Turning from my brother my face fell and i swallowed own a lump in my throat, I had no idea what to expect.


	8. We Need To Talk

It was the third time I'd visited Jim Kirk in hospital, but the first time I'd visited him alone. He had caught me for a moment at the end of our last visit and asked (essentially told) me to come again, alone. So here I was.

I sat but I couldn't look at him – I stared at the floor, but I knew he was looking at me. "Jayda" he said, quiet, but firmly.

I counted the tiles on the floor, "Yes, Captain?"

"Look at me"

I blinked.

"Jayda, look at me" he snapped.

I looked up, staring him in the eyes.

"What the Hell happened to you?" he was bitter, but he sounded concerned.

I didn't know how to answer. Nothing had happened to me, not in my eyes anyway, I hadn't changed at all. But of course, he wasn't asking what he wanted to really know. "What do you want me to say? That I was wrong? That I've made a mistake? The only mistake I made was giving up on convincing Khan to let me help him get his crew back."

Now Jim stared.

"If he'd let me help we could have gotten them out and been far away before anyone knew what had happened, I could have covered it up, made my excuses and left. But he's stubborn – he didn't want me involved in case I got hurt" I spoke plainly, matter-of-fact-ly even.

Kirk threw me a look of disgust, "But why? How did it happen?!"

"Calm down, Captain, or someone could hear us – how would it look if they found out that you knew about Khan and I and hadn't immediately contacted headquarters? I'm not threatening you, because you didn't tell them then, and I believe you wouldn't tell them now. Would you?"

Kirk clenched his jaw, but eventually answered, "No... no, I wouldn't."

"Thank you." I said quietly.

"But I still don't understand, how...?"

"How what? How I could love him? No-one knows him like I do – I don't expect you to understand Jim. I don't expect anyone to understand."

"Who knows the truth?" Jim asked quietly.

Thinking for a second, I replied, "You and Scotty – he was there on Markus's ship, he saw. I've explained it to him."

"And what did he say?"

"He was sympathetic, Jim. He knew he couldn't understand and he excepted it. What about you... Captain?"

Jim took a deep breath, "I'm not saying I'm going to accept what happened, but I'm not just going to turn my back on you because of this. We're not going to talk about it again; when the child comes we'll all pretend that it's father was a nice human man that nobody knew that you won't talk about because it hurts too much."

I nodded, "Agreed" I sighed, "Thank you Jim."

"Don't mention it; seriously, don't – it's not worth the consequences"


	9. My Son

Okay, so this is the final chapter of Dangerous Secret. First of all I want to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, favourite and subscribed to this story, I never expected this to be so popular. Second thing is a quick explanation; I wrote this chapter before I wrote any of the others and at the time I hadn't considered writing anything else, so basically, this was always intended as a one shot. It kind of goes through things that have already been revealed in previous chapters that you'll already know, but bare with it please. Thank you again, please enjoy :)

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I stood to attention as we all paid our respects to those who had lost their lives one year ago to the day. Jared was sleeping in my arms; I couldn't afford to wake him during the service, so I tried to stay as still as possible to let him sleep – it was the slightest of risks that I had taken but I couldn't have left him at home today.

Spock stood tall and silent by my side. For almost a year now I had denied my brother the identity of my son's father; all I had ever said on the matter was that I had been in a relationship with the man and that Jared's father had been lost along with many others at the same time as Captain Pike. The first was absolute truth but the second was less honest – I _had_ lost my lover within the same week as the Star Fleet had lost Pike, but I knew that I was still keeping the truth from my own family, my own brother, who trusted me more than anyone else in the universe and my father, who swore that he loved me regardless.

How could I tell them? Tell Spock that the father of my son was the man he had hunted into Klingon space? The man that our crew had fought with, until they nearly brought about their own destruction? Tell my father that his grandson was part genetically modified superhuman? I couldn't do that.

Before my son was born I had implied that Jared's father had died during John Harrison's attack, I told Spock I didn't want to tell him who my boyfriend had been because it wasn't something he needed to worry about. I know that if Spock thinks logically about it he can figure out that I was in love with Khan – but Spock is ignorant when it comes to my life; he believes that if I don't tell him something I have good reason behind it and he doesn't need to look into it any further.

I suppose Spock's unwavering trust in me is the one of the main reasons that my secret has stayed unknown. I hate to think what would happen to Jared if I were found out. I am sure Spock's arrogance would cause him to reject the role of guardian for my son and I am unsure whether our father would take Jared in. The more I consider this, the more determined I become to protect Jared and myself from the consequences of the truth.

The thing that troubles me the most about keeping my relationship with Khan from the world is that it isn't only I that had to keep my secret. During the fight between Markus and the Enterprise, both Scotty and Jim Kirk had discovered the truth about Khan and I. Bones also knew, from my medical check, that I was pregnant, but not who the father was – McCoy had sworn to keep the information from the rest of the crew. It was these uncontrollable factors that scared me, I hoped I could trust these men but how could I be sure. Jim had been quietly furious for months – when he recovered from his coma; he got me alone and we did our best to come to an understanding. Bones never found out the identity of Jared's father, but he was sympathetic towards me and my son. It was Scotty who was truly supportive; even after he understood who Khan really was and everything he had done, he stayed with me throughout. Scotty was there when I went into labor; he got me to hospital and made sure it was alright before contacting Spock and my father. He constantly offering help, babysitting, doing little chores to make life a little easier for me – I tell him constantly that he doesn't have to be there every second but he insisted that someone who understood should be there for me. It was comforting to have Scotty around, knowing that at least one person accepted that I love Khan gave me something good to think upon. Very quickly after Jared's birth, Pavel Chekov began offering his help whenever possible. The young man never once bothered me as to Khan's identity, declaring that it doesn't matter who his father is, just that both Jared and I are safe, happy and well. Pavel became extremely fond of Jared, and vice versa – if Jared was being grumpy (which he regularly was) Pavel was usually one of the few people who could change his mood.

Jared was stirring, slowly becoming more aware that he was not at home. The sermon was drawing to an end, as it finished the congregation saluted then Spock and I gave the Vulcan salute and said clearly "Live long and prosper". As I saluted with my free hand, Jared raised one of his tiny hands and splayed all his fingers out, looking at me he gurgled some unintelligible baby noise – I smiled in honest happiness for the first time that day as I ran my hand through Jared's short black hair. He didn't resemble Khan much, not yet anyway; Jared had my eyes and Vulcan ears but his other features didn't come from me. I wondered how long it would be until I could look at my son and see his father, how long it would be before those chubby cheeks turned into cutting cheekbones; though I longed for that day, I also knew that if I could see the similarity, others would as well – Spock and many others would realize and my secret would be broadcast to all. That was a bridge that I would have to cross when the time came.

There was a dinner after the service, which we would attend. I asked Spock for some time alone and I left for an empty conference room with Jared. I needed some time to clear my head. This memorial service had brought up so many memories of Khan and the chaos that ensued on the Enterprise, I remembered every second I had spent with Khan since the first time we met, I could recall every injury, death, argument, threat, every kiss that those months had involved.

I sat Jared down on the conference table. He was wearing a custom made Star Fleet uniform– a gift from Jim; Spock was so proud the first time I had Jared try it on for him. I changed Jared then picked him up again, carrying him to the full wall window.

"Look Jared," I said quietly "almost one year later and we've nearly got everything fixed again" I looked at my son as he stared out of the window with such excitement that I could never remember feeling for the vast city. "When you're older I'm going to show you this entire city, Earth will be your home Jared, and I'll make sure that you will never loose it"

Jared gurgled happily and splayed the fingers of his right hand again, like he did during the service. Laughing quietly, I sat him back down on the table and carefully arranged his tiny, fragile fingers into the correct Vulcan salute, when I was done Jared giggled happily at his own hand and waved it at me gleefully. "Okay I see it, I do, I do" I laughed. Jared reached up both hands expectantly and I picked him up once more. I grabbed my bag and headed to dinner, still talking attentively to my son; Jared giggled and showed me the Vulcan salute again, "You are going to have to show your Uncle Spock that, Sweetie", Jared laughed and clapped his little hands together.

If Spock found out that Jared was Khan's son, would he still see the infant that he had grown to love in these last months? Or would the memories of this quick to learn child be clouded by the impression that his father left behind? Would my bright minded brother forget his nephew and all that had happened since Jared's birth? Or would that hatred be cast onto me?

As I walked along the quiet corridors I was struck by just how short a time Jared had been in my life. I was barely showing during the Star Fleet's fight against Khan. It was horrible telling Spock that I was pregnant; it was only a few weeks after Jim woke up. His first question was who the father was – he was unaware that I had ever been in a relationship and the revelation that came with my pregnancy certainly shocked my protective older brother. I would not have been surprised if my secret relationship and sudden pregnancy had caused Spock not to trust me any more, but it didn't. After finding out that I was going to have a child, Spock became increasingly protective towards me and my unborn baby, promising that would always be there when I needed him – but would that still hold true if he knew the truth?

Perhaps I doubted the impact of family. Perhaps if I told Spock the truth he would simply accept it and everything would continue as normal, only without the secrecy and lies I have had to live with. Or perhaps that was all an unrealistic ideal.

I won't know for a long time – only when I can hide it no longer, will I reveal that Jared is the son of Khan. It wasn't just _my_ decision to keep the identity if Jared's father a secret; Khan had insisted on it himself. He warned me that the Federation and the Fleet would be unsympathetic to the origins of my child – Khan made me promise that no matter how high the cost, I must not reveal that I am any associate of his. He feared that I would be punished for his acts of revenge if they could not capture him. I don't know what I'm doing any more – in my mind I am slowly devising a plan to free my lover again, while I struggle every day to hold together my fractured life, my stressful job, my crippled family and my friends who I'm lying to every day. I'm afraid that if everything continues the way it is going presently, it will not be long until all I am left with is my son, myself and an over ambitious plan to retrieve my lover from a cryo-freeze holder.

But for now I smile, I chat and I show off my beautiful baby boy, and nod knowingly as people tell me how big he has gotten, as if I didn't notice. I act as I am expected to; I remain strong minded and determined as I continue to be a gentle, caring mother. I continue to tell my son that his father was brave, intelligent, loving, thoughtful, determined, devoted; a wonderful man that will come home for him one day – I _will_ make sure my son knows his father. At whatever the cost, my son will know the most important man in our lives.

I still had the same amount of access to every area of Star Fleet but there was little I could do when it was all still fresh in peoples' minds. I knew in my own mind that there was a long list of actions I would have to take, each of them more difficult than the last to accomplish. But I will succeed, I have to, no-one else will ever understand. I need Khan back in my life. No-one else could ever replace him; there is nothing in my future other than him and Jared. If there was any way I could have my life as it was with Jared and Khan happily involved I would do it in a heartbeat, but there isn't.

Khan had said that he had conflicting opinions on being awoken before his right time; on one hand he had suffered Earth in all its cruelty and on the other, he had met me. That was the night he admitted he loved me for the first time, the night we first kissed, the first time he held me. That had been the night that had started everything good since then – if only I had known then that he would be taken away from me, I would have used our time so much more wisely.


End file.
